Beta-HCG check-failed

On 17th Feb, i went for blood test of beta-HCG to confirm my pregnancy. Honestly, i had¬†been testing for few days ago and i know, it’s failed. i didn’t get two lines on hpt. As for yesterday, af arrived but on and off, such a bitch.

Called to Gribbles. “your level indicates non-pregnancy level, <2.” Damn, i know it right, but being told on the face is still hurtful. But all my negativity was gone yesterday, i cried hardly, no one ever share the sadness i coped with. Luckily i joined a few ttc group which did help me to deal with the disappointment.

One great thing, since the profortil Mr J had been taking a month ago, we were told his quality goes up high from 13 million/ml to 74!!! What a great improvement, he gains back his confidence again! So glad to see the smiles on his face.

We plan for 2nd attempt in May. Can’t decide i should go for IUI or IVF. So, for the coming 2 months, we are going to try for natural conception.

Looking forward for next treatment.

BIG surprise on TVS SD11

Today, as usual, i registered and went up to GH gynae for TVS SD11. The TVS today was carried out by Dr N, who is the gynae trained back in UK and the one decided to prescribed foliculin to me. But, comes to my surprise, some of my follicles grown up to 15mm, which enables me to continue with IVF! Dr N expects that i will have 5-7 matured follicles during occyte pick up. God, i am so thankful to receive such as good news after two days full of sadness.

The occytes-pick up is scheduled 2 days later. I have to go to the nearby GH to get my HCG trigger shot done. This time, the trigger shot have to be injected into buttock instead of tummy likes IUI, their explanation is, slim people likes me (happy to hear!) have less fat at the tummy and the shot might not be effective. Maybe i was too overwhelmed by the news, i forgot to head to Gribbles for blood test. Luckily i was suddenly reminded of this, drove for 30 minutes again to town. I reached by 3.40pm, fuhhh thanks God they open until 5pm. I am so happy and this couldn’t even affect my mood.

By 9.30am, i started to get myself showered, brought the insulator bag containing the meds and ice-pack, then heading to nearby GH. The injection has to be injected at 10am sharp. Maybe Mr J’s grandmom was here during her last day, the beep rhythm from the heart-rate monitoring system annoyed me and made me a litttle panicked. After injection, i was told to lie down for 10 minutes before leaving the hospital.

After that, i went to the opposite 7e and bought a heated nasi lemak, headed back and watching drama while eating. These past 2 days are likes heaven, i did what i wanted, a routine of sleep, eat, play, drama which i believed is the reason behind my sudden fast-growing follicles. I treated myself so good and they were happy as well!

So whoever read this post is in the middle of IVF/IUI treatment, the best trick to get your follcies grow nicely, is to give yourself a good life. Chin up! We can do it!

TVS on SD7 and SD9

On SD7, Mr. J and i went to clinic for TVS to monitor the follicles growth after two 150 ui injection of foliculin, urofollitropin-type of follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH). The result is as expected, the folicles are growing slow due to my poor response to foliculin. Left ovary had estimated two of 11mm and five of <10mm, while right side even worse, four of <10mm. I started to worry if they going to abandon this cycle.

After waiting for an hour to let Dr S discussed with Dr N (infertility head), they decided to go ahead by increasing the dose of foliculin to 225 ui. Along with foliculin, i was given orgalutran to inject for the following days until the day of egg retrieval. They still estimate to do egg-retrieval after two days on SD12. Then, i wasted another 1 hour for making payment with total RM850 for extra injection meds, retrieved the meds at the pharmacy and met with anesthesiologist for some agreements. Despite they proceeded, i wasn’t very hopeful that my follicles can be matured in two days. That sounds too unrealistic.

TVS on SD9 proven my instinct was F accurate. Today is Chinese New Year and if you know how elders restrict us to go to hospital on the 1st day of festival. Anyway, i don’t care, i desperately need to get pregnant. I don’t know how the right ovary came out with two dominant follicles which are 15mm and 16mm, and 6 of <10mm. Left ovary have two unprogressive 11mm as previous scan and 7 of <10. The moment i was informed of overall uneven and slow progressive follicles growth, i knew they will speak something undesired. After 10 minutes, they told me to abandon this IVF, shifted to IUI. God knows how unwilling and heart-breaking i was to accept the fact that, i am unlikely to pregnant in Jan 2017. I had two failed IUIs, i know Mr J’s sperms are not fast-swimmers, feel so hopeless.

However, i nodded with their decision. Well, my tummy has suffered so many injections and it’s not the right time to stop. I will finish the cycle no matter how. An increase of 5% pregnancy rate is better than nothing. So, i will be waived for the RM850, in case i needed to start 2nd IVF.

I need to rant over.

This is the problem of GH. when a patient is handled by different Drs, none of them seems to be clear of one’s medical history. In addition, no one willing to take patient’s opinion into consideration, which is the main reason i am getting so emotionally break down and very angry with them. If they willing to take in my reminder of foliculin-unresponsive, they would have change the injection to either Gonal-F or Puregon. Then, i wouldn’t have waste my time and my previous Once-a-Year holidays to visit my grandma and relatives in KL. I was left alone at home but it’s my choice, despite Mr J wished that i can come along. But i can’t as i have another TVS in two more days. So, bye honey and see you in three days.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone, though mine is an unhappy one. ūüė¶


1st IVF started!

Today marked the CD2, yes, i informed to GH early morning and initially they said i was assigned in FEB list. As much desperate of me, i can’t wait, mostly due to the trip in April. I wish to be in 2nd trimester during the long-haul flight. Then, i appealed to one of the staff, spoke out my will to do in this cycle. When i thought it was hopeless, Mr.J received call from them! And i was so excited they let me in.

Immediately i changed up and rush to the hospital at 12pm. Damn, the traffic is so busy and it took nearly an hour to arrive hospital. Thankfully they waited for me although it was lunch time. Dr was very serious, wanted my full commitment in this treatment. I was given letrozole, also known as Femara, together with Folliculin for stimulation. Argh, maybe due to the 2nd failed IUI, i was reluctant to take Folliculin, however, Dr said this was decided during their meeting, which i think they really considered all the criteria to come to this decision, ok i trust them, i have to trust them.

The schedule given to me is slightly different with what i got from KLFC.¬†I have to eat medicine, progynova, to suppress my follicles’ growth for 5 days prior to stimulation. It happens that the expected day for eggs retrieval is going to clash with CNY travel to KL, which i didn’t expect. No matter how,¬†i awaited IVF for so long, i can’t wait anymore. I discussed with MIL, i like her for always be supportive throughout the journey, even more than Mr.J.

I think maybe due to effect of medicine, i was having severe mood swing and had a big fight with Mr.J that night. I feel unfair in everything, likes why i should be the one who suffered while is his factor contributed to our infertiliy. He triggered that when his only response was, it is not a good timing for IVF. WHAT! how can he said that! It sounds so negative. Then, he kept rushing me to go shower when i was not in the mood. I don’t know, everything didn’t right. I was really down.

What i always angry is that, Mr.J always choose to ignore all my emotional changes, he never care about it. He won’t simply come to comfort me, if he thinks he didn’t do anything wrong. But he married me, he vowed to care for me. I threw all my tantrum, i cried so hard, i started to think it is going to affect my chances, we will never get pregnant because i can’t stay calm, i can’t be positive. I threw away the checklist for IVF that i stick on the door back. I cried likes no tomorrow, feeling sad from bottom of heart. Crazy, i think i am going insane.

p/s: feeling slightly better now, glad that i created this blog to rant over. Wish me the best of luck!

Ready for IVF!

Yesterday, a faint line i got from cheap upt almost got me insane, and this morning, damn, spotting already! Got cheated again! It’s ok, i kinda scare to get my hope up before that, knowing all our condition and J is just having half-month of vitamin, seems impossible to boost up everything that quick. Somehow i know my body is doing her job, since few months ago, my cycle had been shorten to beautiful 28-30 days, i am more than happy. This month, i have to stay comfortably excited, ready for the big flow, yeah! another cycle! Ready to ring the GH in anytime.

You must be wondering, as i mentioned i wanted to go for IVF with Dr. Prashant. That was my previous decision. Somehow, weighing the both pros and cons, especially the time and money for regular travel to KL, i think that, why not i try in GH, if they allowed me to start immediately in Jan. As Jess also advised that way, i was given two time subsidized-IVF by GH, why not? She was so frustrated with them though, due to some problems and how busy is the senior specialist and literally wasted her a-year time, at least she tried. Yeah, i should try also. Anyway, i would not know what awaits me in the future. The plan might get changed any time.

Just 30 minutes ago, while i was writing this post, i sensed some flow down there, AHA! i thought the flow started, so i went to the bathroom and got myself showered. BUT, it was just watery and some brownish mucus, not yet, so I guess it’s tomorrow. Luckily, if it starts tomorrow, then GH still possible to catch up on Sunday, FYI, IVF starts on CD2-3.

Please treat me good in 2017, Dear God.


The first ever private gynaecologist visit

This month marks my 30th months of trying to conceive and the last month of 2016. How i tried hard for not even mention my age, 30. When i was in early 20’s, i wished to become a mother in age of 25. Then the plan changed after got married in 2013. We stayed cool for the following year since i had to come to the final stage of PhD before starting my ttc journey. I finally off protection in June 2014. However after 6 months, nothing happened and i started to get worried and wondering maybe i have some fertility problems. Then, i began to read lots and lots of information and gained knowledge about baby making. Things didn’t went well until end of 2015, in which i decided to seeking helps from¬†general hospital.

After two failed IUI’s and i am getting too much impatient, IVF seems to be the only way to make my dream comes true. Despite GH is offering much cheaper IVF, i don’t want to risk the long and suffering IVF with them, because most of the time i met with different doctors, either junior MO that are obviously lack of experience or senior gynae, most importantly due to that, they always missed some crucial information and i need to repeat the medical history to them again and again. However, i am very thankful to them, it’s not their fault, as GH is serving more patients and it’s hard for them too.

So, after reading some of the blogs and reviews, i decided for a day trip to KL fertility centre in Damansara heights for Dato Dr Prashant. As stated in the website, he has more than 20 years of experience in treating infertility. I booked the appointment a week earlier, arrived an hour earlier as Mr J said, we might get to see him earlier. Not intentionally, just we came by morning flight and we got nowhere to go. ¬†Upon arrival, we were asked to fill in the registration form, of course, it was our first appointment. And just to save time and money, i brought along the blood hormonal report, Mr J’s semen analysis and a piece of paper which i wrote my own past treatments (lol likes i am my own MO).

He first carried out TVS (transvaginal screening) as i mentioned i have polycystic ovaries, just diagnosed with it after a year with GH, arghhhh. He insisted i have PCOS, which i firmly said no, because i ovulate every month with regular cycle plus normal blood hormonal level, he finally believes me after i said  i kept track of my menstrual cycle for 2 years with basal body temperature and OPKs (yeah i am a DESPERATE woman who did everything just to get a baby bump).

Then, Dr was curious why i can’t get pregnant if my body is working good (thanks MOM). Pity Mr J, he was asked to do semen analysis again, because the previous SA was done in Pathlab and the measurement was outdated. Hehe i foreseen this and strictly no intercourse within 4 days before the appointment, this is the power of reading! With an uneasy face, he finally passed up the specimen and we went for lunch.

After an hour, we came back for the result. As expected, his swimmers is not progressive and mostly grade 1 and 2 (look up here), similar to results obtained from GH during the IUI’s. Sadly, Dr said very least can be done to improve the quality and extends that the swimmers would not survive in my body for few days. He then added it’s a right decision to move on to IVF.

As we came out from the room, i can see the teary eyes of Mr J, i know he is heartbreaking and hardly deal with the fact that he was the one who contributed to our infertility. I comforted him, said that we are lucky to be financially affordable¬†and IVF can definitely bypass the problem we faced.¬†Mr J was prescribed with Profortil to improve the sperm quality and contraceptives for me in case i can’t manage to come during day 2 of next cycle.

Total cost for today was RM833. The IVF package costs RM17,560 with additional costs such as RM1600 for ICSI, few thousands for extra embryos freezing and thawing, which we expect to spare at most RM30k for the whole process.¬†i am actually grateful everything goes as planned, Dr mentioned i am ready for IVF without additional tests. Let’s hope that the IVF goes smooth and silky.