I am pregnant!!

Sorry for my MIA for more than 2 years, because i was too busy with the little one.

YES, I WAS PREGNANT AND GAVE BIRTH TO A SWEET LITTLE GIRL ON 11 DEC 2018!

Did I get pregnant through IVF? NO. None of the assisted procedures helped, they tore me up completely. I did my last FET with my last frozen embryo in Feb 2018 and it failed. I got so mentally and physically broken-up, to the point i can’t function, I knew, it’s time to give up. 

All the while, a few thousand spent and the relationship between me and J got worsen due to these treatments. I was furious, anxious and in big disappointment, I got nowhere to release only to him. He did the same to me too. It was just not worth it. I decided to stop trying, it’s been almost 4 years, I had obtained my PhD, it’s time for me to focus on my career development. I applied for post-doc fellowship in Korea and i got it! The month i was so busy settling my relocation in Korea for at least 2 years and i was so looking forward to begin a new life there. I settled the work permit and in the meantime, J still wished that we could conceive naturally, what a foolish dream he had!

Little did i know, i was pregnant when i did the X-ray for a health check-up for the visa application. A week before my departure, the LH strip was positive but i was waiting for a period! My heart was beating fast when J got me a hpt strip, i dare not to see the result, i asked J to dip and he said he doesn’t know to interpret. I ask ” how many line is there?”. “1 intense dark line and 1 faint line.” BAM! something knocked off my head, i can’t think of anything, it was too hard to believe that I GOT PREGNANT when i least expected!

That’s the ttc journey of mine, difficult but happy ending, i hope, eventually, whoever going through this tough moment, remember it will fruit when you least expect!

my sweet little girl!

Second IVF!

It’s been 7 months since my previous IVF.

After the failure of 1st IVF, i decided to take a break from all fertility treatments and fully enjoyed my trips to Maine and Japan. I don’t want to rush and get it ruined entirely likes the last time. Along the six months, i was no longer in super-healthy diet, had fast-food and cold-drinks whenever i wanted, because i believe that wasn’t the main reason behind my infertility. Instead, i started taking vitex again, it is one of the few remedies that could shorten my follicular phase. And i slowly learned to calm myself through Buddhism. However, i still didn’t get pregnant.

So, after my Japan trip, i think it was time to do it again.

 

STIMULATION

This time, they decided to stick to antagonist protocol with different stimulation. My period came on 7th September and i started taking Progynova 2mg twice a day for 5 days and stimulation started on 13th September. I am glad that i was given free-meds day on my birthday and Thanks God, i had a wonderful celebration dinner with families and friends.

7-11/9        Progynova 2mg twice a day

13-18/9      Menopur 150 i.u. once a day

19-22/9      Menopur 150 i.u. and Cetrotide 0.25mg once a day

23/9           Cetrotide 0.25mg and triggered with Decapeptyl 0.2mg (9:00pm sharp)

 

EGG RETRIEVAL 

In the early morning of 25th September, i registered myself at the daycare centre. During the last TVS, i already be informed that this going to be freeze-all cycle, as my estrogen level was too high, risky for OHSS. They aimed for below 15,000 i.u., mine was spiked up to 40,000 on retrieval day i.u.

The process took for about one hour and this time, i had no memory along the process. A total of 13 eggs were retrieved and due to the high estrogen level, they decided to do half by ICSI and half by IVF. J’s swimmers were improving to a great number, 94million/ml and 63% motility! Thanks to Profortil!

Upon woke up, i was still feeling ok but it got worsen after few hours. i felt super bloated and was in intensive pain, to the point that i can’t straighten my body to walk. I thought, my God i really got OHSS!!! Luckily that night i stayed over at my mom’s house, it was so good to be with mommy during such a hard time.

The next day the pain went away, still a little bloated but i was thankful i can finally walk comfortably. I dare not to take anything besides diluted porridge and plain fried eggs. My body was back to normal after 3 days, the day i went to hospital for OHSS investigation and briefing on the embryos development.

 

DAY 3 POST RETRIEVAL

J picked me up early in the morning to go to hospital. Dr monitored my ovaries and she was surprised the two ladies recovered fast without the symptoms of OHSS, the size shrink almost to normal size. She said according to the estrogen level, they expected high risk of OHSS. I am thankful to my mom for giving me such a fast-recover body.

Here comes my darkest moment of the day. Out of 13 eggs, 2 were abnormal, 5 fertilized by ICSI but none of the another 6 were fertilized by IVF, on day 1 they rescued 3 from it. So i had a total of 8 fertilized embryos. Unfortunately, most of them are severely fragmented (>30%) and consisted of uneven cells, the overall shape were in oval instead of perfect-round. I left with total 3 embryos to freeze, 1 gred 1 and 2 gred 2. Then, they instructed me to call on the CD1 and i will probably go through endometrium scratching before frozen embryos transfer in November.

I was devastated, i thought at least half are freezable, i was heartbroken, same as J. Then, i posted on IVF support FB page, really wanted to know why it happened, despite i had taken all those supplements as instructed. I was only told PCO often deals with poor egg quality and i am afraid there is no solution to it. But i feel better now, likes the ladies said:

At the end of the day, we need only ONE to become a mother

 

Yeah, i should have understood. I need only one and i hope all the three babies heard my shoutout: ” I hope all three of you can be my sticky beans and i will be very glad to have all three of you, i love you already although i never met you in person.”

 

Beta-HCG check-failed

On 17th Feb, i went for blood test of beta-HCG to confirm my pregnancy. Honestly, i had been testing for few days ago and i know, it’s failed. i didn’t get two lines on hpt. As for yesterday, af arrived but on and off, such a bitch.

Called to Gribbles. “your level indicates non-pregnancy level, <2.” Damn, i know it right, but being told on the face is still hurtful. But all my negativity was gone yesterday, i cried hardly, no one ever share the sadness i coped with. Luckily i joined a few ttc group which did help me to deal with the disappointment.

One great thing, since the profortil Mr J had been taking a month ago, we were told his quality goes up high from 13 million/ml to 74!!! What a great improvement, he gains back his confidence again! So glad to see the smiles on his face.

We plan for 2nd attempt in May. Can’t decide i should go for IUI or IVF. So, for the coming 2 months, we are going to try for natural conception.

Looking forward for next treatment.

Egg retrieval and embryo transfer

On 1st Feb, i arrived around 7.30am and it was still early.  Mr.J helped me to register and we entered the infertility unit. I was prepared with a set of clothes and a small towel. I as then informed that there will be two couples in front of me and my queue should be 10am and i was way early than expected. Still nevermind, i prepared early.

The 2nd couple arrived 8am which i heard complaints from the staffs. They didn’t fill the form beforehand and still busy to get semen sample. The 1st couple even later, still didn’t fill the form, while i was the one who relaxed on my bed, patiently wait for my turn.

At 9am, Dr S can’t wait for them no more, so i jumped queue to be the 1st for egg retrieval. Out of sudden, my heart beat so fast, i was so nervous to finally enter the operation theater. Then, they started the process by injecting the seduction into my vein, i slowly losing consciousness. However, i can still feel that something was repeatedly and forcefully be pushed into my vagina and pulled out.

It took around 45 minutes to 1 hour to finish. Total of 8 eggs were retrieved. Thanks God. I opened my eyes when the process finished and woke up in recovery room, Mr J came to me after 5 minutes. Feel painful at abdominal, still can’t drink or eat. Then i rest for an hour. I was allowed to go back to my mom’s house at around 2pm.

The next day, i received call from embryologist. Out of 8, 2 was abnormal, 1 unmatured, 5 was injected, only 3 managed to survive until day 2. So the transfer was scheduled on 3rd Feb.

Arrived at the clinic on Friday, got myself changed up to patient attire. Before embryo transfer, they showed us our 4-cells embryos, incredible my babies. Then, 2 was transferred (1 grade A and 1 grade B), 1 grade B was discarded. Then, i was asked to rest on bed for 2 hours before go back home.

BIG surprise on TVS SD11

Today, as usual, i registered and went up to GH gynae for TVS SD11. The TVS today was carried out by Dr N, who is the gynae trained back in UK and the one decided to prescribed foliculin to me. But, comes to my surprise, some of my follicles grown up to 15mm, which enables me to continue with IVF! Dr N expects that i will have 5-7 matured follicles during occyte pick up. God, i am so thankful to receive such as good news after two days full of sadness.

The occytes-pick up is scheduled 2 days later. I have to go to the nearby GH to get my HCG trigger shot done. This time, the trigger shot have to be injected into buttock instead of tummy likes IUI, their explanation is, slim people likes me (happy to hear!) have less fat at the tummy and the shot might not be effective. Maybe i was too overwhelmed by the news, i forgot to head to Gribbles for blood test. Luckily i was suddenly reminded of this, drove for 30 minutes again to town. I reached by 3.40pm, fuhhh thanks God they open until 5pm. I am so happy and this couldn’t even affect my mood.

By 9.30am, i started to get myself showered, brought the insulator bag containing the meds and ice-pack, then heading to nearby GH. The injection has to be injected at 10am sharp. Maybe Mr J’s grandmom was here during her last day, the beep rhythm from the heart-rate monitoring system annoyed me and made me a litttle panicked. After injection, i was told to lie down for 10 minutes before leaving the hospital.

After that, i went to the opposite 7e and bought a heated nasi lemak, headed back and watching drama while eating. These past 2 days are likes heaven, i did what i wanted, a routine of sleep, eat, play, drama which i believed is the reason behind my sudden fast-growing follicles. I treated myself so good and they were happy as well!

So whoever read this post is in the middle of IVF/IUI treatment, the best trick to get your follcies grow nicely, is to give yourself a good life. Chin up! We can do it!

TVS on SD7 and SD9

On SD7, Mr. J and i went to clinic for TVS to monitor the follicles growth after two 150 ui injection of foliculin, urofollitropin-type of follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH). The result is as expected, the folicles are growing slow due to my poor response to foliculin. Left ovary had estimated two of 11mm and five of <10mm, while right side even worse, four of <10mm. I started to worry if they going to abandon this cycle.

After waiting for an hour to let Dr S discussed with Dr N (infertility head), they decided to go ahead by increasing the dose of foliculin to 225 ui. Along with foliculin, i was given orgalutran to inject for the following days until the day of egg retrieval. They still estimate to do egg-retrieval after two days on SD12. Then, i wasted another 1 hour for making payment with total RM850 for extra injection meds, retrieved the meds at the pharmacy and met with anesthesiologist for some agreements. Despite they proceeded, i wasn’t very hopeful that my follicles can be matured in two days. That sounds too unrealistic.

TVS on SD9 proven my instinct was F accurate. Today is Chinese New Year and if you know how elders restrict us to go to hospital on the 1st day of festival. Anyway, i don’t care, i desperately need to get pregnant. I don’t know how the right ovary came out with two dominant follicles which are 15mm and 16mm, and 6 of <10mm. Left ovary have two unprogressive 11mm as previous scan and 7 of <10. The moment i was informed of overall uneven and slow progressive follicles growth, i knew they will speak something undesired. After 10 minutes, they told me to abandon this IVF, shifted to IUI. God knows how unwilling and heart-breaking i was to accept the fact that, i am unlikely to pregnant in Jan 2017. I had two failed IUIs, i know Mr J’s sperms are not fast-swimmers, feel so hopeless.

However, i nodded with their decision. Well, my tummy has suffered so many injections and it’s not the right time to stop. I will finish the cycle no matter how. An increase of 5% pregnancy rate is better than nothing. So, i will be waived for the RM850, in case i needed to start 2nd IVF.

I need to rant over.

This is the problem of GH. when a patient is handled by different Drs, none of them seems to be clear of one’s medical history. In addition, no one willing to take patient’s opinion into consideration, which is the main reason i am getting so emotionally break down and very angry with them. If they willing to take in my reminder of foliculin-unresponsive, they would have change the injection to either Gonal-F or Puregon. Then, i wouldn’t have waste my time and my previous Once-a-Year holidays to visit my grandma and relatives in KL. I was left alone at home but it’s my choice, despite Mr J wished that i can come along. But i can’t as i have another TVS in two more days. So, bye honey and see you in three days.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone, though mine is an unhappy one. 😦

 

SD5, unexpected spotting!

Today marks the last day of 7.5mg letrozole. My mood was good until i found some brownish spotting on my pantyliner in the afternoon. I thought it was some vaginal shed off due to our morning baby dance, somehow the spotting becames fresh red colour. I was so worried and doubted shall i continue with injection tomorrow, so i talked to one of the infertility staff. She said it might be the leftover of my period?! Erm, not convincing at all. My period completely gone for almost a week! I tried to google, seems like some of the people did have some bleeding after letrozole. Ok, i will still monitor if the spotting become heavy. If it did, i need to head over to the hospital a day earlier than planned.

Updated: It did getting heavier for the following two days, almost likes medium flow of period. Thanks God, it stopped on SD9.

1st IVF started!

Today marked the CD2, yes, i informed to GH early morning and initially they said i was assigned in FEB list. As much desperate of me, i can’t wait, mostly due to the trip in April. I wish to be in 2nd trimester during the long-haul flight. Then, i appealed to one of the staff, spoke out my will to do in this cycle. When i thought it was hopeless, Mr.J received call from them! And i was so excited they let me in.

Immediately i changed up and rush to the hospital at 12pm. Damn, the traffic is so busy and it took nearly an hour to arrive hospital. Thankfully they waited for me although it was lunch time. Dr was very serious, wanted my full commitment in this treatment. I was given letrozole, also known as Femara, together with Folliculin for stimulation. Argh, maybe due to the 2nd failed IUI, i was reluctant to take Folliculin, however, Dr said this was decided during their meeting, which i think they really considered all the criteria to come to this decision, ok i trust them, i have to trust them.

The schedule given to me is slightly different with what i got from KLFC. I have to eat medicine, progynova, to suppress my follicles’ growth for 5 days prior to stimulation. It happens that the expected day for eggs retrieval is going to clash with CNY travel to KL, which i didn’t expect. No matter how, i awaited IVF for so long, i can’t wait anymore. I discussed with MIL, i like her for always be supportive throughout the journey, even more than Mr.J.

I think maybe due to effect of medicine, i was having severe mood swing and had a big fight with Mr.J that night. I feel unfair in everything, likes why i should be the one who suffered while is his factor contributed to our infertiliy. He triggered that when his only response was, it is not a good timing for IVF. WHAT! how can he said that! It sounds so negative. Then, he kept rushing me to go shower when i was not in the mood. I don’t know, everything didn’t right. I was really down.

What i always angry is that, Mr.J always choose to ignore all my emotional changes, he never care about it. He won’t simply come to comfort me, if he thinks he didn’t do anything wrong. But he married me, he vowed to care for me. I threw all my tantrum, i cried so hard, i started to think it is going to affect my chances, we will never get pregnant because i can’t stay calm, i can’t be positive. I threw away the checklist for IVF that i stick on the door back. I cried likes no tomorrow, feeling sad from bottom of heart. Crazy, i think i am going insane.

p/s: feeling slightly better now, glad that i created this blog to rant over. Wish me the best of luck!

Ready for IVF!

Yesterday, a faint line i got from cheap upt almost got me insane, and this morning, damn, spotting already! Got cheated again! It’s ok, i kinda scare to get my hope up before that, knowing all our condition and J is just having half-month of vitamin, seems impossible to boost up everything that quick. Somehow i know my body is doing her job, since few months ago, my cycle had been shorten to beautiful 28-30 days, i am more than happy. This month, i have to stay comfortably excited, ready for the big flow, yeah! another cycle! Ready to ring the GH in anytime.

You must be wondering, as i mentioned i wanted to go for IVF with Dr. Prashant. That was my previous decision. Somehow, weighing the both pros and cons, especially the time and money for regular travel to KL, i think that, why not i try in GH, if they allowed me to start immediately in Jan. As Jess also advised that way, i was given two time subsidized-IVF by GH, why not? She was so frustrated with them though, due to some problems and how busy is the senior specialist and literally wasted her a-year time, at least she tried. Yeah, i should try also. Anyway, i would not know what awaits me in the future. The plan might get changed any time.

Just 30 minutes ago, while i was writing this post, i sensed some flow down there, AHA! i thought the flow started, so i went to the bathroom and got myself showered. BUT, it was just watery and some brownish mucus, not yet, so I guess it’s tomorrow. Luckily, if it starts tomorrow, then GH still possible to catch up on Sunday, FYI, IVF starts on CD2-3.

Please treat me good in 2017, Dear God.

 

Wonderful 2017! Let’s shop for vitamins

I finally submitted my thesis for viva in the 1st weeks of 2017, which makes me feeling really good and relief, although the status of submitted paper reverted back to “under review” again (it’s the third time!). So sorry for those reviewers and editors, they must be having a hard time assessing the paper and being indecisive or went through some arguments.

OK. Since i decided to go for IVF, i want to make sure my body is in its best condition prior to the treatment. Besides, Mr. J needs to top up his vitamin as well, because the profortil comes with only 1-month supply. So i started to survey on Google. Previously i heard of good reviews from Fertilaid for Men in TTC group, so his vitamin is chosen. Comes to mine, i was having headache as there are too many prenatal vitamins in the market and i didn’t know which is the best. Glad that Google helps me with this list found here. Right before that, i actually ordered Deva prenatal in 11street.my on 15th Dec 2016 and it arrived super late on 9th Jan 2017. So, i decided to place an order for other vitamin on iHerb.com, together with Jess’s vitamin, before receiving Deva from previous purchase. You must be curious why i didn’t opt for the top ranked vitamin, it is too expensive than others, despite yeah, its natural ingredients. I bought Nature Made prenatal which costs less than Rm100 for 250 tablets! Enough to cover more than 6 months. Of course not merely the cost, the reviews look good as well.