Today marked the CD2, yes, i informed to GH early morning and initially they said i was assigned in FEB list. As much desperate of me, i can’t wait, mostly due to the trip in April. I wish to be in 2nd trimester during the long-haul flight. Then, i appealed to one of the staff, spoke out my will to do in this cycle. When i thought it was hopeless, Mr.J received call from them! And i was so excited they let me in.
Immediately i changed up and rush to the hospital at 12pm. Damn, the traffic is so busy and it took nearly an hour to arrive hospital. Thankfully they waited for me although it was lunch time. Dr was very serious, wanted my full commitment in this treatment. I was given letrozole, also known as Femara, together with Folliculin for stimulation. Argh, maybe due to the 2nd failed IUI, i was reluctant to take Folliculin, however, Dr said this was decided during their meeting, which i think they really considered all the criteria to come to this decision, ok i trust them, i have to trust them.
The schedule given to me is slightly different with what i got from KLFC. I have to eat medicine, progynova, to suppress my follicles’ growth for 5 days prior to stimulation. It happens that the expected day for eggs retrieval is going to clash with CNY travel to KL, which i didn’t expect. No matter how, i awaited IVF for so long, i can’t wait anymore. I discussed with MIL, i like her for always be supportive throughout the journey, even more than Mr.J.
I think maybe due to effect of medicine, i was having severe mood swing and had a big fight with Mr.J that night. I feel unfair in everything, likes why i should be the one who suffered while is his factor contributed to our infertiliy. He triggered that when his only response was, it is not a good timing for IVF. WHAT! how can he said that! It sounds so negative. Then, he kept rushing me to go shower when i was not in the mood. I don’t know, everything didn’t right. I was really down.
What i always angry is that, Mr.J always choose to ignore all my emotional changes, he never care about it. He won’t simply come to comfort me, if he thinks he didn’t do anything wrong. But he married me, he vowed to care for me. I threw all my tantrum, i cried so hard, i started to think it is going to affect my chances, we will never get pregnant because i can’t stay calm, i can’t be positive. I threw away the checklist for IVF that i stick on the door back. I cried likes no tomorrow, feeling sad from bottom of heart. Crazy, i think i am going insane.
p/s: feeling slightly better now, glad that i created this blog to rant over. Wish me the best of luck!